Ten Chances , Ten Goodbyes
by smilemore21
Summary: Derek gets ten chances with Emily , and ten goodbyes. Will they all end in heartbreak , or are some of them for the better?
1. To My Heart & Back

**Okay I know I should be updating It's Only an Argument but I have some writers block , so I will try to have it up soon (maybe even in a few hours) but I still have some things to fix on it. While I was thinking so hard with where to go with that story I came up with another idea I would really like to follow. If you guys like this story comment so I know to continue. I plan to have ten chapters but I'm not going to write them if people don't want to read them. So comment , favorite , follow if you want more . I will stop nagging you guys now. This story is in Derek's POV by the way.** Disclaimer:I don't own Criminal Minds or any of its characters

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I first met Emily Prentiss in the summer of ninety-six. My days as a beat cop were drawing to an end , and the dawn of my FBI days was swiftly approaching. I got called in to talk to my future boss. So after a hard day working the streets of Chicago , I headed to the Chicago FBI building. I had a coffee in my hands, which looking back now probably wasn't a good idea due to the all the shaking going throughout my body. I didn't see the woman walking down the hall until I , and my hot coffee collided with her. Instead of the anger I expected to receive , and probably deserved the woman gave me a warm smile and picked my travel mug off of the ground. She handed me the red mug .

"You must do that to all the women to get their attention, don't you?" She joked and gave out a light , beautiful laugh.

She must have sensed my discomfort as she quickly added,

" I'm just messing with you. You must be the new guy Derek , right? I'm Emily ." She gave me a handshake that was firmer than I expected from her small frame.

" Yeah , I'm Derek. So Emily are you going to be in my unit ?" I asked , hoping she would be.

" Nope, you're my replacement ." Emily shook her head sending her dark brunette hair on her face.

" So you only have ten days left in the FBI then?" I asked , wondering how long I might have to talk to her.

" Yes , at least for now. I'm moving out of town the day I leave the unit." She answered after brushing the hair off her face.

" Well , can I take you out for dinner to make up for spilling that coffee all over you?" I ask with all the charm I can muster up.

" Sure , let me give you my number so we can figure out a time." She scribbles down her number on a piece of paper and hands it to me.

" Actually I was hoping we could go out tonight, say at seven. If that's okay with you , of course." I state with my confidence level rising.

"I figured you would say that , so I wrote down my address on that paper. See you at seven." She smiled and walked away with her heels clicking down the hallway.

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I put on a nice tuxedo and my best smelling aftershave before I got in my car to pick up Emily. Her hair was curled and she had dark red lipstick on. I got out of my car and went to open her door but before I could I was stopped by Emily

" I got it, you probably want to pay for dinner tonight and I don't want to see that bill. Besides I like to do things for myself." She smiled , and I knew that I wouldn't be able to win this one. So I sighed and returned to the driver's seat.

On the way to the restaurant Emily was skipping through channels on the radio while we were talking. I was surprised to hear what station she stopped on , classic rock.

"This is my favorite band." She states as a Queen song is just beginning. I smile because Queen is my favorite too.

" Really? They're my favorite too." I say back , and she smiles before singing the next line. Pretty soon we're both singing along to a Queen album I had in the glovebox.

By the time we get to the authentic italian restaurant we went through eight songs. We get into a dim lighted booth at the back-end of the restaurant, and we both look at our menus, I looked at her, and when I peered down at my menu I felt her eyes glance at me.

"What are you going to order?" Emily asked , setting her menu on the dark wood table.

"Honestly , I can't pronounce it. " I say

"Let me see it ." She says and I hand it over pointing to the meal I want.

The waiter comes over and she orders both our meals in fluent italian. Leaving me to admire her elegant voice.

The next ten days were spent almost entirely with Emily. We trained together, went out for coffee, and watched old movies. It was honestly a few of the best days of my life. Mostly because I was accompanied by her. So when it was finally time to say goodbye it was really hard. I had only known her for ten days but it felt like forever. I know that sounds cheesy , but it really did feel that way. So when Emily and I were packing her things into a moving van it was hard.

"This has definitely been a fun ten days." Emily said with a hint of sadness in her normally cheerful voice.

"It really has been , hasn't it?" I say with the same sadness in my voice as it was in Emily's

Before I knew it her soft lips were up against my more rough ones in a goodbye kiss. All the thoughts and worries on my mind were gone for just a few seconds . Emily smiled the smile I had gotten to know and love in the past few days .

" Goodbye , Derek and thanks for everything. Good luck with the FBI. Try not to spill coffee on anyone." She winked before walking away.

" Goodbye , Emily . I won't forget you." I yelled this cliché line and actually meant it. I didn't plan on forgetting Emily Prentiss. I planned on meeting her again. We would continue where we left off I was sure of it. Then it dawned on me. I still had her number! I drove home and searched for that little piece of paper, but it wasn't to be found. I had to settle for the memories and the dreams I would have that night. I wasn't one to give up , and I didn't plan on giving up this time either. I was just waiting for the day when I could meet Emily again. This was only my first chance with Emily Prentiss.


	2. To Honor & Quick Goodbyes

**Okay there wasn't a lot of interest in this story and I might discontinue it but I happened to like the idea and I wanted to at least give it a chance , so here's the second chapter. If you want this continued let me know. This chapter was based on the 2x23 ending scene when Strauss was talking to Prentiss. **

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I knew I wouldn't forget Emily Prentiss , but that doesn't mean I was expecting to see her when I did. After I took over Emily's old job in Chicago I climed my way up the FBI chain of command. At the time I was working at the BAU. One day before we started working on a case my co-worker, and friend JJ brought Emily in and introduced her to everyone. We shook hands and our eyes locked for a few seconds , until Agent Hotchner told us to introduce ourselves later. Not too long after that fateful meeting I risked saying goodbye again. I was determined to make her stay, even if I couldn't be with her I could be her friend.

One night I was walking by the Unit Chief's door and I heard her talking to Emily inside. I really shouldn't have listened , but I did. Chief Strauss was basically telling Emily that the only reason she was in the BAU was because of her . Strauss demanded Emily to help her take down Hotchner or Emily was fired. I knew Emily wouldn't help Strauss on her goal to take down Hotch. Hotchner was one of the first people to accept her at the BAU. Emily wasn't going to let him be taken down . I wasn't ready to say goodbye , but I couldn't let Emily know I was eavesdropping either.

I tried getting Emily to talk about anything, because she was fuming for the rest of the day.

" Look , Derek I'm not in the mood for talking , ok?" Emily said;the frustration was clear in the crinkles on her forehead .

I had just gotten her back and I really wasn't ready for her to go again. I know it was crazy but I had a total crush on my partner , and I was losing the small chance I had with her . I had said goodbye way to many times in my life . I had said goodbye to my father, and Elle , and I didn't want to lose another chance with Emily.

" Hey , Derek?" Emily asked .

" Yeah ." I replied after I turned towards her .

" Thanks for checking up on me . " She whispered.

" I'll be here if you need to talk , always ." I whispered back


	3. To Lauren & Emily

**Hey , back with another chapter. I hope you guys like it , let me know . :) Based on the events of 6x14 through 6x18**

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I didn't know much about Emily's past except for the years I was in it , but after five years of her being my partner in the workplace I knew when something was wrong. When I saw her from the mirrors in the taxi cab and she looked back at me I knew , I knew something was going to go down. What I didn't know is the magnitude of the event , the shattering "death" that would hit the team, the family , with a painful blow like we had never imagined. I can't say I didn't see it coming and I don't have any excuses. It was just trust , the trust I had in her , that caused pain like I had never experienced before . I can say it wasn't my fault , but I don't believe that to be true.

I should have seen Emily walk out that door when we were briefed on Doyle , I should have known she was too attached to the case and I should have made her take down her façade , but somehow I didn't and I set myself up for a goodbye. Another goodbye with spilled blood like my father's , and another goodbye made for the sake of others. Along the way Emily had made difficult choices, choice she felt ashamed of and I fueled the fire with anger about Doyle. When she hiding the mistakes of her past , I saw them and didn't do anything. I set myself up for goodbye and Emily did too.

Our team searched for her and dug deep into her past , a past that haunted her for a long time. When we finally found her she was lying on the floor , blood circling around her. Emily had a stake in her stomach and she was ready to give up.

"Let me go." She whispered in a voice that was too quiet

Those words replay in my mind and I haven't forgotten them after a very long time. Emily had given up , up on life , up on the team , up on us , and up on me. The only words I remember more than her's are these

" She never made it off the table." JJ said with tears shining in her eyes

Those words crushed me. They ruined my life , and they sent me into a depression like I had never experienced. I bounced around six of the seven stages of grief for what felt like forever. Depression and anger were the two I spent the most in. Anger became my go to , and I targeted Doyle . He needed to understand how Emily felt , lying on the floor about to die. Except he wouldn't have a friend because he did that to her , and to me. I didn't want to rest until I trusted Emily's soul could be at peace.

I couldn't get over the fact that I had been the one with Emily in the last few moments she could've probaly remembered. I had held her hand , and she had held on. I wondered if she was finally happy , wherever she was; if she was the carefree Emily from Chicago or the burdened one with the weight of Lauren besides her. Most of all I wondered if she knew that my feelings had never changed or died , that they hadn't fled or forgotten. I wondered in her last moments did she feel the same for me or if I was just a close friend.


	4. To London with Love

**Okay , sorry for the long wait. I'm having computer issues and I had to resort my update to my iPod, I'm sorry for any grammatical issues ; the iPod spellcheck is horrible.**

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The next time I said goodbye to Emily Prentiss was bittersweet. I had spent the night in her arms and I can still remember the sweet smell of her perfume. I had almost lost her twice that day , and I was still getting getting over the fear of Emily dying again. We were close , closer then just friends are supposed to be. Emily danced with everyone , but we spent most of the night together. I knew right then and there I wanted to have this. A wedding , like JJ and Will. Maybe even kids and a big house. I wanted to be with Emily. I had lost my voice again and I couldn't get out what I wanted to say. The last notes of the song rang out and I had to let go. The absence of her warmth overcame me.

That night I tossed and turned. Due to the large amount of alcohol everyone consumed we all stayed in Rossi's various guest rooms . Emily couldn't sleep either and I heard her quiet knocking on my door. She tiptoed in and I slipped out of the covers . She sat on the foot of the bed , and I still remember the way her face was illuminated by the moon light.

" I'm sorry to bother you but I don't know who else to talk to." She whispered.

" Still worried about the cracks in the foundation ?" I joked and she rolled her eyes.

" Very funny , Derek. I'm really confused , Penelope came and talked to me and begged me not to go , and I know you don't want me to go either. I just want to make everyone happy." Emily sighed and shook her head.

" How about making yourself happy for once Emily. Don't worry about Pen , she'll be fine. I just hope you're okay with her sending you a million emails and video calling you twelve times a day." I smiled and her face seemed brighter at the thought of Penelope's antics.

" But what about you? Will you be okay?"She asked , concern filling he voice.

" I'll be okay , as long as you're happy." I replied . I wasn't so sure how okay I would be without Emily but the thought of her being unhappy here reassured me that encouraging her to go to London was the right thing to do , even if it broke my heart.

" Derek?"

" Yeah ?"

" Thanks for being here for me. "

" Always."

I watched her slim silhouette slip out of the room as quickly as it had entered. It had only been a few seconds and I already found myself missing her. Wow, when she moved to London how was I supposed to live? I already knew the answer to that question , and it would be like hell. Seven months was hard enough.

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Somehow I was given the job of dropping Emily off at the airport. Everyone else had said their goodbyes the night before. The car ride to the airport was almost dead silent. It reminded me of the time right before Doyle , she was looking in the mirror and I asked her if we were being watched. I don't like to think about bad memories because there isn't a point to those. Happy memories are what you need at the end of the day. I think back to one of the first conversations I had with Emily. I remember her talking about a date gone bad. Somehow we found a similar love in Kurt Vonnegut books. I just wish we would have found a similar love in other things. Each other , perhaps? Emily Prentiss was way to out of my league , and I knew that. Somehow I knew we would be together , but how? I'd figure it out.

My red truck pulled up in front of the airport with an hour and a half to spare. She looked at me with her brown orbs , before she grabbed her carry on.

" You better get going , you wouldn't want to miss your flight." I said

" I'll see you in a few weeks." She replied

" I'll miss you." I whispered

" Goodbye , Derek." She smiled

" Goodbye , Princess"

Emily rushed away quickly and dropped a book on the passenger seat. I smiled to see it was Mother Night. I could lie to you and pretend that my eyes weren't a little bit watery , just as I pretended my feelings for Emily weren't real all these years , but I admit when it comes to Emily , I get a little softer. I didn't think I could survive another goodbye.


	5. To Arguments &Coffee Shops

" I never want to see you again." Emily screamed as I stood motionless in our kitchen.

I had made the stupidest mistake of my life . After all this time I had finally told Emily how I felt and we finally dated. One night at a bar I had gotten a little too drunk with some old friends from Chicago, and a girl got a little too close. JJ and Will just happened to be in that bar that night , or the outcome might have been worse than it was. Emily had known within the hour. I could hear her crying in the other room , a sound that even I barely ever heard. The shiny silver ring was still lying in my hand as I sunk into a chair, hoping she wasn't going to leave. I knew that Emily Prentiss wasn't someone who went back to people that hurt her, and I knew I was guilty of the crime. After a few minutes the sound of crying was replaced with the trudging of boots down the stairway. She looked me in the eyes , mascara running down her cheeks but we didn't say a word. The look on her face was enough, I had her again, this time at my own hand. I had lost almost everyone on the team , starting with JJ and then Garcia. None of that compared to the lost I felt from Emily. I had swung right into Depression, because I wasn't going to get her back.

The team started to warm up to me again, everyone but JJ and Penelope. One Saturday, in July I think Hotch , Rossi and Reid forced me to go out for coffee. When we got inside I saw Emily , JJ , Alex and Penelope sitting at a booth in the middle of the large room.

" Should we go?" Reid asked , with creases appearing on his forehead.

" Proba-" I started

" Emily will ask us to leave if she wants us too." Rossi cut in, and Hotch nodded in agreement.

We ordered coffee and sat down at a table in the corner of the room , giving Emily some space. Emily turned and looked at me , but JJ said something that caused her focus to be off of me.

" Derek ?" Hotch asked , sending my focus to him

" We were talking about the Cubs game last night, what'd you think?" Rossi asked

" Oh it was a bad game , I was really disappointed." I said , praying that the Cubs had lost so I wouldn't look like a fool.

" We won , by a lot. Listen , I know you miss her but she's getting over you and I think you should do the same." Rossi said glancing at Emily.

" Yeah we know you made a mistake , but mistakes end relationships. Rossi got to wife number four so there had to be some mistakes there." Hotch added.

" Hey!" Rossi said , with a fake hurting expression.

" She wasn't wife number four , three or two. She was supposed to be one , the only one. She was my fiance." I argued

" Not to be harsh Derek, but who has the ring now? It's over between you two and we are trying to help you and her at the same time." Reid replied .

The sound of four pairs of shoes clicking , stomping and walking interrupted our conversation. I was expecting JJ to blast us for being here but Emily spoke first.

"Did you know that the entire coffee shop can hear what you're talking about?" Emily asked , with an unexpected softness to her voice.

" No , I didn't ." My voice was shaking and I was nervous just to be around Emily.

" Well if you are going to talk about me , can we at least listen?" Emily motioned for the three girls behind her to sit in our booth. We all scooted over to make room for the girls. Emily and JJ sat by Hotch and Reid while Penelope, and reluctantly Alex sat next to Rossi and I.

There was an akward silence in the air until Rossi spoke up.

" Did any of you ladies see the Cubs game last night?" Pen, Alex and JJ just looked at Rossi.

" You mean when they crushed the Cardinals? Yeah, I saw it." Emily spoke up.

" You know what , I think our spa appointment is soon ladies. We should go." JJ said , grabbing Emily's arm.

" Yeah we should. Bye guys." Alex agreed.

" Talk to you later." Penelope added.

" Bye guys, Derek." Emily added extra emphasis on my name.

" Well that went well." Reid commented as Emily just walked out the door.

" Yeah, better than I though." I added watching them walk down the street , until Emily was out of view.

" God, I messed up." I whispered under my breath. Rossi , Reid and Hotch pretended not to notice, but I could tell they did from the lack of conversation.

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A few days later , as I was coming home from getting my frustration out at the gym I spotted Emily's black Lexus sitting in the driveway. I rushed up to the front door and unlocked it in record time. I tried to walk casually up the stairs but I know that I was rushing. Emily met me in the hallway. She looked up at me and then to the box in her arms.

" What are you doing here?" I asked , and it probably sounded ruder then I meant it to sound.

" Just grabbing some things I didn't get when I moved." Emily replied.

" Oh yeah , I forgot. Sorry." I tried to not look disappointed , I shouldn't have expected her to move back in.

" I fed Clooney , if that was okay. I just noticed it was around the time you feed him." She stated

" Oh , yeah that's just fine."

" Okay,cool. Well , here's your key, and I'll see you around." She placed a silver key in my hand , and tried to force a smile before walking out the door.

I held the key tightly in my hand , as I watched her Lexus pull out of the driveway. For the first time in a long time I let tears stream down my face. I had lost her again and it was entirely my fault. So now I was forced to watch her live her life. Without me.


	6. Nightmares

**Sorry for the wait , I was on vacation. Now I'm back :) Let me know what you think about this chapter. ****Also do to my poor planning I accidently put this after the last chapter when this should have came first so this should come as chapter five but it's chapter six. Sorry to confuse you guys.**

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To be honest the fifth time I said goodbye to Emily Prentiss was also a hello. Even after Emily came back I couldn't get her "death" out of my head. The graphic image of her on that warehouse floor still haunted my dreams , even if they were slowly dissipating. In would wake up in the middle of the night , and I admit sometimes in tears because I just couldn't lose her. We had come such a long way and to lose her to Doyle , even only in my dreams was painful. Sometimes when it was really bad I would call her in London just to hear the sound of her voice saying anything and everything but let me go. Those three words will hurt me until the day I die.

Talking to her on video chat , and through phone calls and emails wasn't as good as seeing her in person but I didn't complain. She was visibly happier , funnier and becoming more like herself everyday. It was like the storm cloud that was over her since the encounter with Doyle was moving and she was starting to shine again. If I could talk to that Emily , even over the phone it was better than talking to the depressed Emily face to face. I knew that supporting her move to London was the right choice , even if I missed her everyday.

I took trips to London as often as I could. It was even better to see her in person , her eyes sparkled and she was the same old Emily that I had missed for so long. The frequent trips to London caused our relationships to bloom , and painful memories to be put away , where they were only rarely a bother. My nightmares faded as I was sleeping next to Emily , or talked to her as my day was coming to a close and her's was just beginning.

Finally after almost a year she could come to visit the team in Virginia. We were on a date at our favorite little italian bistro and she began talking about Virginia.

" I want to move back to Virginia." Emily stated , clear and to the point.

" Are you sure?" I asked wondering if she was ready.

" Well don't sound _so_ excited about it Derek."

" I just want to make sure you would be happy."

" I would be , and I am , just being with you."

" Clooney misses you , he'd probably love to have you live with us."

" Oh really , and what about you?"

" I'm perfect just being near you."

I never had a nightmare about Emily on the warehouse floor again. Only good dreams , did she reside in , and right next to me in Virginia. This goodbye was the easiest one of all , and the one I am most thankful for.

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**Sorry for a short one but I'm trying to update everything today and I didn't have a lot of time to write everything out.**


	7. Two Rings & New Beginnings

**Okay now all of these chapters should go in order starting here(This one is after the coffee shop one). Sorry for the mix up. Let me know what you think.**

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Somehow I had gotten Emily back , and another chance I really didn't deserve. It took longer then you can imagine to regain her trust , but it was worth every second and I would do it again. I really don't deserve someone like her. She is undoubtedly the best thing I've ever had.

The sun was shining and the bed was warm on an early Saturday morning in September. I reached over to the spot where Emily used to lie next to me , but she wasn't there. My initial response was alarm , but I remembered what day it was. Not only was it four years to the day Emily came back into my life , it was our wedding day. I was ready to say goodbye to Emily Prentiss , but this time in a good way. I would say hello to Emily Morgan in only five hours. Much to my displeasure I wasn't allowed to see Emily until the moment she walked down the aisle. My mother and Penelope were the ones to blame.

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I was standing at the altar , my hands shaking and my palms sweating. The church was beautifully decorated with white and pink lilies. Ellie waved to me , in her junior bridesmaid dress. Emily had called Ellie's mother and asked if it was alright , and Ellie practically trampled me when she saw me at the rehearsal dinner. I waved back , smiling and trying to reassure myself I wasn't going to mess things up. The time passed slowly, but finally Canon in D major could be heard throughout the room. Reid and Penelope are the first of the wedding party to walk down the aisle, followed by Hotch and Sarah , Will and JJ , Kevin , Désirée , and finishing with Declan , Ellie and the ring bearer Henry. Jack was happily asking people to sign the guest book. My eyes were solely fixed on the doors separating Emily and I. The doors were pulled open and Emily was revealed , her arm linked with Rossi's. All my nervousness was lifted , when they reached the end of the aisle and she placed her hand in mine. Her brown orbs met mine , and her smile radiated warmth that reassured me. I knew we'd be okay , our past would stay in the past and we'd go on together, as Morgan's.

I knew my mother was crying as I slipped the gold ring on Emily's petite finger, and when Emily slipped my gold band on my larger finger. For a brief moment I gazed out to the crowd. Ambassador Prentiss' eyes were glistening , although she'd never admit it , Alex was smiling and I said a silent thank you because she had gotten Emily and I back together. I was waiting on permission to kiss my bride , and the moment didn't take long. I tilted Emily backwards and gently kissed her lips , I savored the moment. Our first kiss with Emily bearing my name. I pulled her back up , as a chorus of applause traveled throughout the room. She smiled at me and softly pushed a piece of hair out of her face.

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Our bodies were close , closer than we were dancing at JJ's wedding. My hand was placed softly at the small of her back , and I could me the intricate lace design. Emily's dress was a lot like her , complicated , intricate , beautiful. Her loose curls softly rested against the ivory of her face. I held her tight as the last notes of This Moment On played. I waited for the song I picked to play , and when Love Your Love The Most by Eric Church came on she sang every word. We laughed all night long , when we weren't silently dancing thankful for the moment in eachothers arms.

" I love you , Derek." Emily whispered in my ear.

" I love you too, Emily Morgan."


	8. Forgetting & Remembering

**Okay , hi. I changed my name from Smilemore2121 to smilemore21 , you can also find me on twitter smilemore21. I have some serious writers block right now but I'm trying to update soon. I will try to tell you how long I'll take to update on twitter. Sorry for the support and don't forget to comment , favorite and follow.**

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Out of all the injuries Emily had experienced , getting amnesia two months after our wedding was the worst. She had moved back to Virginia , and had obtained a job on a different team. When her team had been out in the field Emily had fallen , hard. The UNSUB had tackled her , and even though another team member had taken the shot she was already on the concrete.

It's crazy how much that woman scared me. I never wanted to leave her side , afraid that I wouldn't be able to return. She always was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I was praying all the car ride to the hospital that she would pull off another recovery. I didn't know how many more hits she could take , because she was on first name basis with most of the nurses in the hospital.

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After a few grueling hours in the waiting room I was finally granted permission to see her. I tentatively opened the door not wanting to awake her if she was asleep.

" Who are you?" Emily asked a puzzled look on her ivory face. At first I thought she was messing with me but it didn't take long to realize my wife , didn't know she was my wife.

" I'm Derek , your husband." I hoped to jump-start her memory.

" Okay..." She rolled her brown eyes in disbelief and chuckled. Then she looked down to her left hand and stared down at the silver band. Her eyes shot to my hand and she looked back up to me.

" I wasn't lying."

" I kinda got that."

" Yeah"

"So what exactly happened to me." She grimaced , and reached for the wound on her head.

" Well you're a FBI agent , first of all."

" So I'm not at Interpol anymore?" At least I had a starting point , even if she didn't remember me.

" No , not anymore."

" Wait , you're that beat cop from Chicago. Although I don't remember talking to you since then."

" We met again when you started working at the BAU. We were partners."

" That was a fun ten days." She smiled , and I remembered the ten days we had spent in Chicago.

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I spent the next three weeks showing Emily pictures , pictures of us, the team , Clooney & Sergio but she couldn't remember anything past Doyle. She was starting to get close to me again , but it reminded me of a high school relationship. I was careful not to take it too far , if we kissed she would start it. I worried she was only staying with me because she felt she needed too. I was angry that she remembered Clyde and Doyle but not me. I could see the pain in the teams eyes when they went to visit her, and I could tell she was trying to keep everyone happy. I could her crying at night , but she wouldn't let me console her.

During another one of our picture sessions I started to think it would never work. The end of the month was approaching rapidly and the doctor thought she wouldn't gain the memories she lost back. I handed her a picture of us at JJ's wedding we were close and our her smile was the focal point of the picture.

" I remember this!" She shouted with a smile plastered on her lips. She looked at me and the her face turned gloomy "I'm so sorry,I've missed you."

" I've missed you too."


	9. Loss & Lost

**Let me know what you think.**

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We were married for a long time. Through moving , job changing , and losing ones close to us we were there for each other. There was no way we would lose each other because that just couldn't happen to us , until she got sick. Slowly but surely my wife was dying before my eyes, in a battle with lung cancer. It was devastating , but I never let worry show on my face. It didn't take long , within six months I had lost my best friend and wife. My last moments with Emily were bittersweet because I could tell she was ready to go , and I was only holding her back. In the back of my mind I thought of her plea to let her go , so many years back. My life would have been so different if she had not held on.

Her once dark brown hair was gone , her face so broken , so worn. Her smile was the only thing recognisable , a smile so bright , it gave me reassurance and courage to go on. As her last breath was being taken , and her grip on my hand released I felt my whole body go numb. I stayed that way for days , until I had seen her buried in the ground. The only thing left of her I had we're memories and the things she had left at home. I cried when I had taken off my wedding ring and placed it on the table besides our bed , like I had done for the past forty years. Then it hit me , she would never place her wedding band on the bedside table again. It was buried with her six-foot under , but it wasn't really with her was it? She wasn't that body laying beneath the earth. She was a loving , happy, amazing soul. She wasn't dead , she couldn't be.

Every Sunday I went to church. This little habit Emily had given me couldn't be rid of , even if I was angry with God for taking Emily away. I would go to the graveyard after church and place a bouquet of blood-red roses under the shade of a weeping willow. During the day the sunlight seeped through the hanging branches of the tree. I sat in the empty space next to Emily's grave , a spot that would later be where I would rest. I would think about everything , but mostly Emily. When the final light of day was starting to fade I would head home to my half empty bed , but only with the promise to return next Sunday.

I forced myself to get up each morning , and fill my days with time-consuming projects and plans. I would make sure I was too exhausted to dream each night, not wanting to be reminded of Emily in my sleep. Sometimes I would still dream of Emily , as much as I tried to prevent it. It wasn't until one day at mass that I finally came to terms with Emily being gone. Father spoke about the loss of a love one. He said that we had to trust they we're at peace, because they can still worry about us in heaven. At that moment I felt like Father was talking to me. Emily had worried about me everyday , and she said it was just part of being my wife. I could only imagine what she might be worrying about if she had seen me over the past year. When I placed the roses on her grave , I felt as if she was watching me , and I knew it would all be ok. Even if I missed her everyday.


	10. One Final Hello

**Okay here it is , the final chapter. Okay I know you guys we're disappointed that Emily died but it was crucial to the story. One reviewer even said I wasn't in my right mind for doing so. I just wanted to warn you guys Derek dies in this chapter , so if you have a problem with it hit back now. Thanks to all the reviewers who expressed their opinions politely , even if they were against mine. I love your comments and opinions but remember I'm human so constructive criticism only if you don't like something I did. Let me know what you think.**

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Hello , I'm Rose Benson. You may be wondering why I'm writing in this book , even though every other story in here was written by Derek Morgan. For the past four weeks I have been Derek's hospice nurse. I promised to finish this story for him , and I don't break promises.

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Derek was my favorite patient , so cheerful for where he was. I knew I wasn't supposed to become friends with patients because they were all so sick , but he was nice and he never had anyone who came and visited. He was sick, and dying but at the age of one hundred and three. One day , on my break I decided to visit him. It became habit and soon instead of talking about the weather we would tell each other told me about a large family , that had started as a team. He told me about being a beat cop in the crime filled streets of Chicago , but what he talked about most were the days filled with his friend, partner and later his wife, Emily Morgan. One day when I came in after my shift Derek had a book in his hands.

" Is that a good book?" I asked trying not to startle him with my entrance into the room.

" Yeah , my wife used to love this one."

"Oh." I looked down to my tennis shoes , trying to find something else to say. I looked back to the Vonnegut book in his shaking hands.

That tiny little conversation sparked my interest in what Emily Morgan was like. Every time Derek and I would talk the conversation would turn to Emily, and he seemed to light up when he talked about her. I think my favorite was the one where Emily and Derek were dancing at their close friends wedding. He said she was just about to leave for London , but it was when Derek knew he truly loved Emily. It wasn't more than a week ago when Derek showed me this book I'm writing in today. He asked me to read it , finish the story and keep it safe.

I will always remember the last thing he said to me " Rose , don't ever pretend to be someone you're not, because you are what you pretend to be. Most importantly when you find the one be there for them , always." Derek didn't remember anything the next day , even Emily , but I knew that losing his memory would be the last time he would ever have to say goodbye to Emily Prentiss. All that was left was one more hello.


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